I am resentful.... I wouldn't normally label myself that - (it has to do with a relationship - nothing medical).

I had been resentful in the past - for a long time with my folks about "certain childhood" issues - but I worked through that years ago. In that time, I found that being resentful only hurts me - it certainly doesn't communicate effectively my anger, hurt or whatever feelings to the individual I am angling my resentment toward.

I don't want to tell them that they hurt me - I don't like feeling vulnerable - I want to be strong and not need anyone (healthy huh?!). I have approached the subject and the individual only becomes defensive then accusatory (I know again, healthy?!).

I have seen this individual struggling with many things - many things I could possibly help them with.

I have been helping them - and somehow, I think it is helping me....

My little girl - she is 9 and just having a really cute super nice day... here is a transcript of our conversation just under an hour ago:

Me - ooh, I have to call and get an appointment to color my hair today -

Daughter - why do you color your hair mom?

Me - I need to get rid of the grey hair honey - that's all-

Daughter - your too young to have grey hair

Me - (***thinking to myself*** oh how sweet, what do I say to that???)

Daughter - oh, wait..... nevermind

I have decided to not blog about any of my ailments any longer. I totally see that I have not been able to think about much else since this ordeal has begun. So, I am going to start taking steps to get over it. I am sad it has taken me so long to really see how enveloped by this ordeal my life has become - oh well... let's move on, and better late than never.

So new things are coming....

I don't even believe it....

Wednesday - sitting in the MRI - my back was hurting so bad - I thought to myself, this is great! The dr will have to be able to see what is going on - because I am experiencing it during this test... excellent!

Thursday - the mri showed nothing... the dr even stated that "normally" on someone "my age" (nice right, ha), you would see some arthritic development - whatever the mri shows - looked great... nothing could be pinpointed as the cause of my anguish

It was all I could do to get to my car so that I could breakdown. I sat for a while a just cried - sobbed actually... then I went home and cried some more. Mind you, I am not a cryer - not that there is anything wrong with being one - I just don't typically cry - at anything. Sometimes I wish I could cry more - people must assume I am a cold person.

Now I will have an mri on my pelvis.... seriously????!

so, we're just into baseball season and I am so excited for football season...

I am excited that the jets can get back to playing a team sport, vs it all being about that quarterback (he may be a great one, but for us, he was a distraction).

I am so enjoying reading about rex ryans comments. I can hardly wait to see how it translates onto the field... bring it on!!!

for more - read on here http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=jc-trashtalkingryan060909&prov=yhoo&type=lgns